Sitting in solitude – its like a glass of cold water on a hot day – just me and the wind

I have escaped – i was always the prisoner of someone or something – a relationship or perhaps circumstances such as a mortgage.  i look at my contemporaries end most have earnt their place – paid a large mortgage for most of their lives – threaded through insufferable situations involving others and are now contemplating retirement.  Presumably it involves selling the house and moving to the place they have reserves fo themselves – France, Italy —

Me i was so tortured by social structures i could not manage and had to work for myself – (maybe things were different in Norway, in fact im sure they were)  in the uk i assume i was probably guilty of the most henious crime of arrogance – which is why i was so bullied in the worklplace.  At some stage i realised that most people took up furniture making, turning etc as a retirement hobby – so one could say i retired in my early 20s.  !979 i started my business THE FOLLOWING MORNING CO.  I was a total failure – i had really crappy tools – absoloutely no capital and no where to go.

By pure luck i managed somehow – at one stage sleeping under the bench in a very cold and damp workshop – bit by bit – not gritt but just pure luck i found my way – my mother helped hugely from time to time – so did various girlfriends – surprisingly many were teachers – even my brother in law baught furniture and helped by trying to sell my work.  Last time i visited him he was still using the chairs and table i made him.chestnut dining table and chairs adj

I think it is in the nature of the englishman to be a bully – it got so serious that it led to a serious nervous breakdown and some very scared teachers – let me explain – My mother was from a very upper class family and was more or less the little girl who everybody loved and took care of.  She met my father and he took care of everything.

She even had a man in London who took care of the money – whenever she was in trouble she would simply call and this man who i met in later years and helped me greatly, would sort it out.  His offices were on the other side of the road from the old bailey in central london – Brian died ballroom dancing from a heart attack – i was pleased to say id given him a large bowl id made as a present for all his hard work and connections.  As a result when we (3 children) were up against it she could not cope – she followed the advice of an uncle who was from the old school and a bit of a fool from time to time – later he became a bit of a tyrant too but that is for later.

From his advice i went to various boarding schools – the bullying was completely ingrained – part of the system.  i simply could not understand – why would someone want to do something unpleasant to me when i had done nothing to them.  Later it got so heavy i had to retaliate – the only succesful way was to make sure the buggers did not get up to hurt you as they surely would if they could – as a result i was not playing the “game.”  After the prep schools – the last one the headmaster enthusiastically joined in with regular weekly beatings (wolborough hill preparatory school) - i was asked where i wanted to go – i said Dartmouth secondary modern.

At the sec the bullying was savage – one boy died i recon as a result but of course he was sick anyway – eventualy i was tackled out of school by a gang of some 13 boys – first i was stoned then set on by clubs – i then completely lost it and in an all consuming rage stuck a knife in one – that stopped the whole thing dead – in later years i look back and realise that in a situation like that if i had been got on the ground i would probably have been beaten to death – no second chance.

The police were involved – i was cautioned and placed under arrest for causing grivious bodily harm – well the little shit id hospitalised told them i had attacked him – so then it appeared another was also hospitalised – then the story came out – 13 onto one – they then took me down to the hospital to photograph my wounds – cor i was completely black and blue from the stoning and beating – the police slunk away but my family somehow never asked me what happened and i rather suspect created their own ledgend for later.

So at a early age i learnt about bullying – at Millfiend the same happened – groups of boys took it into their heads that i needed to be taught a lesson – fortunatly the authorities there were a little more flexible and asked me what i wanted to do about it – i had the answer straight off – peer pressure – it worked like a charm and the bullys later came to me and told me i had been very unfair in setting the other boys on them as they had done very little to me.

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