We live in a pretty weird world. We think we are in charge when we are really not – we pride ourselves on our individuality while completely forgetting our similarities.
So now as I think over the last year and go into the new one I feel on top – right on top – probably enough to be slightly unbalanced.
For most of my earlier life I was under the control of others – father was strict, mother tried to be but gave up and listened to her “betters” as she had been brought up to do – right from her earliest years. Those betters really had no idea and the result for me was disaster – not so good for my sisters either.
What happened to me was that I became 2 people quite quickly, the real me was a total rebel – believing in very little from my “betters” believing muchly in myself (I had seen their pathetic lies) – the other was the little person who followed along doing what he was supposed to do, desperately clinging to the idea that those in charge were somehow superbeings who I could never in my wildest dreams emulate – unfortunately as life became more confused the 2 crossed – but that another time – I cannot but admit to a predilection to self sabotage – second to none but as I am entering the last phase of my life (60 now) I am finally taking charge in no uncertain terms.
I am thinking of the beatings I had at school, the effects – still with me – they really screwed me up – the feeling that I deserved it – that it was right – how evil I was – indeed wrong and how grateful I should be to those who tried to instil discipline in me by going so far as to beat me – but you see now I think back – there was always only 2 or 3 in the same position – the others got away with everything ( we were easy targets because of our weak parents)– so now I see that there is slowly beginning to appear information that there was a massive organized paedophile ring running in great Britain and it still does today – this ring was protected by police – secret service and more – top politicians have admitted they found it useful to have people in power they could blackmail – these are the names of people that were so far above me that I could only whisper their names – they were the establishment and now they appear to be ruthless shits.
Later in her life mother took on a powerful organization – won and sorted it out – virtually on her own. I am now doing something not that different but a whole lot bigger – to be blunt, im finally taking charge.
3 weeks ago I told Svanro I was finished there – wrote up a letter explaining why and that was that – even though the boss told me that nav and they had arranged for me to work there for another year.
I actually had the temerity to make a speech at the christmas dinner in a local restaurant, just one sentence – the bosses had congratulated themselves on their work by making speeches lasting well over an hour – everything was about them – so I simply said that this dinner was about the bosses, not about us. I actually felt quite angry as the place was supposed to be about helping us get back to work or providing work – this place was about us – not about the bosses, the product was US – so in fact not only was I quite correct – they knew it too.
So now this taretråling thing – it seems that the whole dirty business may be unwinding. This is a worldwide industry functioning on conning countries and environmental organizations worldwide using our gullibility to function.
7 counties under the leadership of a organization that arranges and advises them have announced they want taretråling in their area to stop until they are convinced that it is not damaging to the environment or wildlife – that is impossible.
Worse still the havsforskningsinstitut has just released a video saying they are going to research taretråling – the funny thing is the man doing the announcing actually detailed his research to us at the last taretråling meeting 2 years ago, it was complete then – that research was also done in 2002 – how do I know – I have the papers, so something is going on here – it looks like they are desperately trying to cover their asses and its not working. Politics in Norway is very softly spoken – it seems that real power comes in very softly worded statements –
To cap it all I hear its possible that other companies in the FMC group may be trying to distance themselves from what could possibly be a real disaster for FMC biopolymers and the industry. If the press take this up it would be a wise move.
I think it may be possible I am finally the person I was meant to be, or near enough.
It brings me back to a deep feeling of sadness – for me and for others who have been dealt similar cards – we are all too ready to slam the door shut without thinking of the person we are slamming it on. Perhaps because we can only judge others by what we see in ourselves.
Plus the thought of the others who like me had severe childhood problems not their fault – who desperately needed help but it was not forthcoming at the right time or place who are still trapped in the never ending hamster wheel of debt ridden self doubt placed there by others.
I understand the paedo business in the uk is finally being taken seriously by the state, its not going to go away no matter what they try to do – I dont see things in the bbc website on this but I do see them on NRK so I know its happening – Norway is beginning to wake up to the catastrophe awaiting us from the ruthless exploitation of our seaboard and I am feeling more aware and more in touch than ever before – yusss – next year may be full of disasters but it will be a year of change, positive change.