Monthly Archives: April 2014

TRUST

 

How much do we trust in each other – in the system?

Ive just been re reading my doctors notes/medical records from the uk, i believe a good deal was absent and incomplete.

One thing that stands out clear though is that i was a victim of the system – one simple little statement from a doctor in 1972 it says «gross catatonic/parkinson effects after the change – put back on original px» from a J:E:   Phillips consultant phsyciatrist.

At the time i was «recovering» from the help i had recieved from the national health system in the uk following a nervous breakdown – i have also been reading a diary i kept from 1970 at Millfield school – it talks about regular beatings with a cane from amongst others prefects.

So lets recap – i had been subject to many regular beatings at schools, both private and state – massive bullying at various schools including a stoning and clubbing during which to defend myself i stabbed one of the attackers with a knife – the only break i received was being arrested on suspicion of grievous bodily harm by the police for that incident – some years after which i have a nervous breakdown and the only help i recieved is electro shock followed by massive drug therapy, one of the drugs they used induced a catatonic/parkinson type state – ive just read up on that it is called Neuroleptic malignant syndrome is a life-threatening neurological disorder most often caused by an adverse reaction to neuroleptic or antipsychotic drugs. NMS typically consists of muscle rigidity, fever, autonomic instability,[1 This from the wiki article on the drug concerned ORAP.

If i didnt know any better i would have called the symptoms from my nervous breakdown classic pstd http://www.psychiatry.org/ptsd

Ie i nearly died from their help!

I seem now again to be in a system – far more benign that that in the uk but none the less it is a system run by individuals with different points of view and agendas – so now i no longer want to be a victim, i want to change my status.

Fortunately i do seem to have some very good friends and am no longer alone – the only sad thing it is not my immediate family. The fact is i really no longer want any contact as they seem to be unreachable having long ago taken a stance that saves them from any guilt.

So what is the solution?

I believe i have been carrying on my own «therapy» for many years – i have evolved techniques to deal with how i feel and am. Some encouragement and motivation would now and again be useful but ultimately it is down to me.

Stability is destabalizing

Stability is Destabalizing
A post from a couple of months ago charted the course of various post-WWII US recessions and posed the question Was there a structural change in the economy in the late 1970s – early 80s?

Over the period from the late 1950′s to 1980, US macro-economic policy became better and better at managing recessions. They continued to come at roughly the same frequency, but they were shorter and shallower than the earlier ones. This could, potentially, indicate an increase in rigidity over time as US macroeconomic policy attempted to ‘smooth out’ the business cycle.

A recent post at Resilience Science draws attention to a similar matter and provides a nice set of links to analytic resources relative to the issue. Here is a key passage:

In complex adaptive systems, stability does not equate to resilience. In fact, stability tends to breed loss of resilience and fragility or as Minsky put it, “stability is destabilising”. Although Minsky’s work has been somewhat neglected in economics, the principle of the resilience-stability tradeoff is common knowledge in ecology, especially since Buzz Holling’s pioneering work on the subject. If stability leads to fragility, then it follows that stabilisation too leads to increased system fragility. As Holling and Meffe put it in another landmark paper on the subject titled ‘Command and Control and the Pathology of Natural Resource Management’, “when the range of natural variation in a system is reduced, the system loses resilience.” Often, the goal of increased stability is synonymous with a goal of increased efficiency but “the goal of producing a maximum sustained yield may result in a more stable system of reduced resilience”. The entire long arc of post-WW2 macroeconomic policy in the developed world can be described as a flawed exercise in macroeconomic stabilisation.

A change is due

My god, im 60 – Fantastic ive never been 60 before.

 

No ladies at present but im being worked on by a “russian Girl”  Says she is in the police and is in fact a lieutenant  – nice pictures, but ive seen nice ones before and the simple fact that she is supposedly 35 is a little bit of a give away – perhaps its only older men that are targetted – never mind i shall enjoy.

 

Plots thicken – this is in some ways a little primative place – deep family feuds and very anti stranger ethics – was in Elnesvågen some time ago – saw a friend and joined him at his table in a caffeteria, we were having a nice friendly chat  – little while later a couple came to sit – the man started talking and stopped, so i joined in by replying – his response was to turn his back to me.  His wife started talking a little later, after a little others joined in the conversation so i tried too and she turned her back on me.

I think i understand a little now

If you know someone then you have a little status – the more you know, the more status – by acknowledging your existence they are giving you status – as they dont know you and you are not a part of their circle they dont want to give you this power so they do their best to show this by turning their back or something similar.

Think my next step will be to film them, that should get a really interesting reaction.

 

Been reading some old diaries, the earliest i wrote are from 1968 – Millfield in 69 and 70 – ive been reading about my time at Hornblotton – id forgotten how rotten the prefects were – and how often i was beaten with the cane – some of the prefects beat me too and it was for the silliest things imaginable – hardly surprising i had nervous breakdowns etc later – my god id really like to sue them and the nhs.

 

Today it has been rainy and sunny and very windy – tomorrow and tuesday are apparently supposed to be even worse – ach weel – ill just have to work indoors.

 

The future – ive been asked to to a 5 point plan of what i would like to do with the rest of my life by NAV  – certainly dont want a job – because i can manage far better on my own.  I think what i need is help – not a job – i can start doing my copyturning again i think.  its not that i dont want to do it, its that i lack the necessary interest because of a complete lack of interest by the so called helping community.

When i came here first i simply walked in to Norway.

 

2 Years on i discover that i could have got help with the business – so i went to the local business people and essentially was told that i was so small potatoes that they werent interested.

I then met up with a lady who ran a kind of business welcoming group in Molde – very keen to help but ooh dear, never heard from her again.

 

So im siting cozy with the money from NAV  why should i bother – thats the real problem perhaps – maybe i should teach or similar.

I think some games first.

 

 

 

 

 

Changing world. How do we cope?

Hyman  Minsky came up with this idea that stability breeds instability/chaos.http://www.economist.com/node/13415233  i believe he also carried this over to nature – that anything that is stable is bound to fail sooner or later simply by its own nature.  This is something we should all look out for and take action against – STABILITY IS DANGEROUS.

That is actually quite funny because it is directly against everything we strive to achieve – we try to put things in boxes so we can understand them – its basic to our nature and the way we are.  However if you consider stability and what it does to us then it begins to have a different shade.

I am having a little war with one of my neighbors.  i can talk about this here because first of all he doesent speak English and secondly this “blog” is not really intended for public consumption, being a litte sort of anti blog – or lets be clearer – for my benefit, not yours.

I think its partly territorial and partly pure indignation that im not following the “rules.”  he is a farmer, beset by many problems.  When i first came here in 2002 his cows were out in the summer – we had many jolly conversations and moments.  Then he got divorced and the cows no longer came out.  Then he bought an automatic milking machine – new tractors, new this, new that.  one thing he does is snow plough the road in front of my house for his relatives at the end of the road – he found my row of trees to his dislike so one day when i was abroad he took them out.  On coming back i asked him what had happened?   He told me that the electricity people came and took them out because they were interfering with the power lines  – so okkkk, where is the wood?  Gone – and where are the roots – sooooo, the electricity people came – cut my trees down and even dug up the roots – then took the lot away??

 

I feel it is important to have relatively good relationships with neighbors if possible but first they need to understand for this to work that i have the same rights and feelings they do!!!

 

I decided to build a nice stone wall in front of my property – so i did with stones gathered from his fields nearby and from a pile he had dumped next to my land.  that did not meet with his approval either and he demolished it with his snowplough.

 

The land here is peat bog, marsh and generally damp – the farmers have been draining the area for years – unfortunately the crops are only grass for the cows which are they no longer allowed to fetch.  Another little thing is that when i first came here there were many Deer, Hares and other animals – over they years all the grass has been replanted – i have done some research and its either a monocrop or something a little less benign – purposefully planted so that the deer dont feed – not very nice for the cows i should think either.  Anyways due to bad weather there is a shortage of grass – maybe also due to the number of horses requiring fodder in the area too – but i digress.

So to clear more land he placed an advertisement concerning the trees – anyone interested please come and cut them down – lots of people did.  Next thing is there is a pile of logs sitting on my land.

After a few weeks i make some inquiries?  No one seems to know, so i gather it up and move it next to my house – its possible it was a present from one of my many friends.  Maybe it wasnt, but at the end of the day you dont just dump a pile of logs on someones land and expect them to stay there at your convenience.

So after a little consultation with another neighbor i picked them up – before i had got the second load in i was met by my neighbors mother.  “what did i think i was doing?”   – “They were not my logs,”   ok says i “whoose.”  She said she didnt know but i had no right to move them. I said that perhaps i should ask her son for the number of the guy concerned.   She said that i was obviously simple – that i did not know how things were done around here.  i said to her that life is simple.

 

Less than 2 hours later a man arrived with a van – he said he did not know anyone lived here – so i said that i could either buy his logs or he could remove them – but it was private land and he should have known, did he not ask my neighbor??  I bought the logs from him.

Later i saw his van parked outside my neighbors house for quite a while.  So he did know them and i was being told a pack of lies – the wood was not placed there by accident it was placed there because my friendly neighbor has such a gross contempt for me that he is happy to lie.

So what do i feel?   First of all i feel angry – definitively angry with myself for allowing this to  happen. And angry with him for being so weak.

But on careful analysis i realize that he is a grossly unhappy man and is now directing this towards me.   Someone asked me what i felt about him, in fact it was a local farmer who had given up his cows some years ago.  I told him that he was a prisoner and working just for the bank, he agreed.

 

So what has this to do with chaos?  As you go through life the events that occur and the way they happen dictates a pattern.  The largest part of this is to do with failure and success.

If you are doing something that could lead to success but somewhere deep down you realize it wont, then you may find yourself the subject of self sabotage, sometimes silly little things, sometimes things like repeated accidents – ACCIDENTS??  By their very nature they are accidents, surely??

 

I cannot deal with how other people treat me – but i can deal with myself and how i feel – i have processes and long tried remedies.  How should i feel about this?  How should i deal with this?

The first barrier as i said is myself and that is under process – so thank you neighbor, for the awakening.  But i will not be the target for a decent mans angst, sooner or later that little bit of angst will turn really nasty so it has to stop.

 

i look for alternative ways to do things – i love upsetting the status quo mainly because i believe it is healthy and because it is my way to success.  Time for a film.

 

 

 

I am a thief of time.

Time is a very strange thing.

It is an abstract entirely dependent on how we see it.

Most states believe they can change the amount of daylight we have by putting the clocks forwards or backwards at certain times of the year – This causes a great deal of confusion with people being late or early for appointments and of course it really screws up our internal clock which is surprisingly accurate.     At the end of the day it might be true to say the real reason this anachronistic tradition is still carried out is because there is also an annual debate in parliaments worldwide – and this allows a number of politicians who do nothing to warrant their positions to make important sounding speeches and appear to be doing something.

So why am i a thief of time?

In the early 70s i was very keen on keeping my head down and doing the best i could within the system – i had a number of handicaps which i wont go into here but suffice it to say they were very real.  So when it came to work i took whatever came to hand.

In 9 years i went through 17 different jobs before i finally thought id found my lifes work and i was wrong.  Without qualifications id managed to get a job in a laboratory doing routine work but involving a number of highly developed skills – mathematical calculations – chemical know how, bacteriological work, knowing the layout of over 20 miles of pipework and so forth – all on 12 hour shifts – this, through a fog of energy.  Through a series of incidents i realized how little my work was valued and what complete shits some of the people i was working with and for were.

So i decided that i needed some soul work – something creative that meant something – woodwork was the answer.

My first big job meant so much i gave my labor for nothing only charging materials – 16 hour days and the end result was nothing – they guy i was working for – whoose pub i had outfitted – walked all over me in no uncertain terms, selling furniture id made to customers at a large profit when i was relying on the pub as advertising.

So as time went on i decided to do my own thing – but within a frame work.  This framework consists of a series of questions – the most important one of which is – HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT IT.

For the correct answer you need to be in touch with your feelings – this requires a degree of honesty which is hard for me and maybe impossible for most.  But what it means is you must have the ability to walk away from things which others would never do, and you can tackle things, which again few would do, because it feels right.

Strangely enough this feeling has very rarely let me down and in fact has led to considerable enrichment in my life.  So i have few “normal” strictures – i love animals but can kill an animal with no compunction because i am an animal, just like an animal, (flies,fish, —–)   I will go to great lengths to save an animal because i can empathize, is this contradictory?

 

One of the biggest problems in our world is the banking system – it is part of our society but what it really is is a means of enriching a group of individuals so that they reap the labor of millions of others by manipulating our system.  Thus if you are a businessman, you need a building lets say – you do not have the money so you borrow it – then the machinery, then the workforce – sooner or later you are working for the bank.  Sure you have a nice car, house, etc but if you stop working you loose the lot, so now that you are in the system you work hard to stay there, and so do all your employees – but the reality is you are working to support a system based on a series of lies.   Everything you have worked for means ziiiiit.

Where the banks loose out is they see society as a target, units of income.  The operative word is units, not people – so their view is very short term.  The money must be paid back by —-  all within a framework.  This is right through our society/world – a system designed to enslave – the only difference between the types of shackle is that this takes the soul.

Perhaps this is our lot, perhaps we cannot function without some kind of slavery – but i can see that this system is costing far too much – the freedoms which we need to allow us to continue to function within the system we have built need to be strengthened – we need to be made aware that our time belongs to us, not a man sitting in an office as much a slave of the system as we but believing himself to be the king pin because he earns so much money.

With £30,000 i can buy a really nice new mercedes – i can sit in the lap of luxury satisfying the feeling that requires us to be creative – i can look out at others and feel the respect they have for me in my shiny car – but at the end of the day i know i have not created this, its only a feeling – somewhere along the line this feeling will cost me, and for some it is everything.  This is why our arts and crafts – our creativity are so important, because they are real – the reality of a leather upholstered seat will never compare with the reality of creating it yourself.  This is why i started working for myself – this is why i like to feel divorced from the system but still use it as a tool.